Here is the text of the Longparish Mummers' Play, as dictated by the late Mr Ernest White. You can also read an extract from a book about the Longparish and Overton Mummers, written in 1930.

Father Christmas   King George,   Foreign King,   Doctor,   Tall and Smart,   Twing Twang

Father Christmas
Room, room, ladies and gentlemen I pray
In come I. Old Father Christmas, welcome or welcome not
I hope old father Christmas will never be forgot.
To all in this room it shall be shown
The dreadfullest battle ever known
Twixt King George and the Turkish Knight.
I took my travels abroad a country for to see
What three fine acts I brought straight from victory.
The next that do come in, is he the noble King
Straight from the wars glad tidings he will bring
Room, room, I pray; ’tis I that lead King George this way.

King George
In come I, King George, a man of courage bold
With my sword so valiant by my side, I won a pot of gold
'Twas me that fought the fiery dragon and brought him to the slaughter
By all these means and pains, I won the King of Egypt's daughter
If any man dare enter this kitchen or hall
I'll cut off his head and kick it about like a football.
Room, room, I pray; ’tis I that lead Foreign King this way.

Foreign Knight
In come I old Foreign King, with my broadsword I will swing
Likewise I am a Turkish Knight, just come to Old England for a fight
I'll fight thee, King George, thou man of courage bold
If thy blood runs hot, I'll quickly fetch it cold

King George
Well done my little lad, thou talkest very bold
Just like the little lads I have been told
Ah, thou TK, draw out thy sword and fight.
Draw out thy purse and fees: for satisfaction I'll end thy life before thou goest away

Foreign Knight
No satisfaction at all, King George, for in two minutes I'll take thy life away.

King George
Battle to battle thee I'll call
To see which on this ground shall fall

Foreign Knight
Battle to battle thee I'll play
To see which on this ground shall lay

King George
Guard thy hits and guard thy blows
Likewise thy head and also thy nose.

(They fight, and Foreign Knight sinks to his knees)

Foreign Knight
Oh, King George, King George, what hast thou done
Spare my life, not cut it down
Let me rise, go home and tell what champions do in England dwell

King George
I'll cut thee down never to rise again

(King George strikes Foreign Knight again)

Father Christmas
Oh, King George, what hast thou done
Thou hast ruined me by killing my son

King George
He gave me the first challenge, so how could I deny it?

Father Christmas
Oh, is there a doctor to be found
To cure this dead and wounded young man
That lies bleeding on the ground?

Oh yes, oh yes, there is a doctor to be found
Who'll cure this dead and wounded young man
That lies bleeding on the ground?

Father Christmas
What canst thou cure, Doctor?

I can cure the itch, the stitch, palsy and gout
A pain within, or a pain without
A broken leg, or a broken arm
If his neck is broke I can set it again
And charge nothing extra for the pain
Bring me an old lady four score and ten
With all the teeth out of her head
I'll soon bring her round again.

Father Christmas
Where has thou been for all thy learning, Doctor?

I've been to Italy, France and Spain
And I've just returned to Old England again.

Father Christmas
What about thy fee, Doctor?

Fifty pounds my fee, and this money paid down
I'll have; but thou being a poor man, Ten Pounds I'll take from thee.

Father Christmas
Hold, hold, Doctor. Don't be too hard

I'm not a bit too hard. I'm not one of these
mountebank doctors who rides about from stage
to stage telling people a pack of lies. I'm a good old
southdown doctor. What I take in hand I can cure

Father Christmas
Try thy skill, doctor

And so I will. Ladies and gentlemen come
forward and see me cure the sick and raise
the dead to life again. I have a little bottle by my
side which I call the elegant pain. I drop two drops
one on his heart, another on his temple. I say

arise, you valiant man
walk as gently as you can

Walk in, walk in, both Tall and Smart
Show the ladies and gentlemen thy best part

Tall and Smart
In come I, both Tall and Smart
I'll tell my mind with all my heart
Likewise I am a cutting star
Just come from that dreadful war.
My sword you see that shines so bright
Will fight from morning, noon, til night
My sword you see, that's held by me
Will cut and slay and clear the way

And teach all rebels to obey
Me, myself and seven more
Fought and conquered eleven score
Eleven score of valiant men
Shall never rise to fight again
My head is made of iron, my body is line with steel
My breeches fit my middle so tight, my garters drag my heel
First comes Christmas then comes Spring
I'm the jolliest little lad that can either dance or sing

Father Christmas
Walk in, walk in, little Twing Twang
Show the ladies and Gentlemen thy press gang

Twing Twang
In come I, little Twing Twang
I think myself the best man of this press gang

Come to press you proud members to be men o' war
and board a ship to fight the French and Spaniards also

Although I am but a Johnnie Jack
With my wife and family, at my back
My wife so great, my children small
I think myself the best man of you all
For when I come I come with these

Ladies and gentlemen, give the Christmas Jacks just
what you please. Money in pockets is a very fine
roast beef, plum pudding, and mince pies who
likes that better than Father Christmas and I